How well did your family of origin communicate? How well does your family communicate now? Do you have the skills to help you or your family members face a personal or health-related crisis, or to offer support to a loved one in long-term care?

"Communication is a vehicle to nurture one's family, and good communication skills help family members face a crisis together. If you nurture each other, and develop communication skills in affirmative ways, talking about more serious matters becomes easier."

"The Making of the Good Life" was a seminar taught by Larry Yeagley — a retired pastor, hospice chaplain, author, and man with a heart for teaching communication skills to the family of God — during a recent Spiritual Emphasis Week at GlenOaks Hospital in Glendale Heights, Ill. His topic was well-received and worth sharing with Lake Union Herald readers.

"I've seen many patients come to critical or palliative care units without medical directives. I'd ask the family, 'What are your mother or father's wishes?', and they didn't know. Families should encourage loved ones to write out advance directives and talk about them." Yeagley added, "However, good communication should begin long before a health crisis occurs." Yeagley offers three steps to build better family communication:

"Appreciation is the starting point for healthy communication. Everyone needs embraces. Find the strong points in your children and work off those points, affirming them in their strengths. Appreciation is emotional nutrition. Find opportunities to give affirmation to others every day," said Yeagley. "Appreciated people show concern for others, are spiritually inclined, and more satisfied with life."

"Create a home where children bring their friends. Children are less likely to rebel in a home where their friends are welcome. In this atmosphere, develop trust with your children as well as their friends. Encourage each other to express emotions in a healthy manner. Children model their parents, so parents hold the key to the emotional stability of future generations."

"Do things together. This strengthens communication, provides a shared foundation, and lots of opportunities for conversation. Take time for each other and develop friendships. If you are not friends, you cannot understand each other emotionally," notes Yeagley. "Discuss the differences of being alone and lonely. Activities done in solitude can be constructive, i.e., playing music, artistic endeavors, and reading. One becomes lonely when deprived of sufficient relationships. Chronic loneliness can lead to health problems."

Yeagley encouraged listeners to remember God showers His children with unconditional love to teach us forgiveness. "Forgiveness is an eternal provision and like a water supply, if we tap into it, we have the ability to give it to others."

According to Yeagley, "communication in families and the family of God will improve when people participate in multi-generational worship and activities." He thinks churches should offer family resource centers to help families learn communication skills. Yeagley also recommends seasoning the gospel message with "therapeutic preaching" to teach families how to "express grief, show emotions, and nurture one another."

Lynn Larson, Adventist Health System Midwest Region Lake Union Herald correspondent