Buried beneath volumes of contemporary writers' words of wisdom, valuable advice, and research findings on how to build happy and successful marriage partnerships, remains the counsel of Ellen G. White. In her book, The Ministry of Healing, published in 1905, there is a gem of a chapter, "The Builders of the Home." Ellen guides couples to recognize that the family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. She writes, "Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come" (p. 362).

A young woman in her first year of marriage recently told me of a dilemma she faces at lunch time at her place of employment. During breaks and while eating lunch, her co-workers discuss their spouses in less than respectful ways. They joke and share negative things about their husbands and even their children. Becoming more and more uncomfortable with this kind of conversation, she admits that it has actually shaken her faith in her own husband and their marriage. I suggest that these women are venting their frustrations in a "safe place" and are breaking what Ellen suggests is a sacred circle.

Interestingly, Ellen wrote of the sacred circle many years earlier. Published in 1952, The Adventist Home is a compilation of counsels given to Adventist families throughout Ellen's years of ministry. The chapter titled "A Sacred Circle" (p. 177) contains excerpts from 11 manuscripts and letters, dating back to the mid-1880s.

In a letter written in June 1863 from Ostego, Michigan, Ellen shares her concern for Brother Day who was overly involved with a woman, Sister Johnson, who eventually divorced her husband. Ellen is clear, "You moved unwisely in interesting yourself so much. … You were stepping over that sacred circle which should debar you from the family of Sister Johnson, and preserve you exclusively to your own family." Ellen is clear about the woman as well, stating that she "had no right to enlist your sympathy as she has. She is more at fault than yourself in going to you with her family troubles" (Manuscript #1263).

I invite you to examine both sides of the sacred circle. One is guarding your own family, saving your heart for your spouse, not involving yourself in harmless joking or complaining at the expense of your spouse. The other side is not getting involved in other people's troubles when you are not part of the problem or the solution.

Sadly, some use the concept of the sacred circle to build their case, believing that all marital problems should stay within the bounds of the marriage, and that seeking any type of assistance is wrong. This is unfortunate, as there are many appropriate ways to seek counsel.

I invite you to set some time aside to read Ellen's counsel from the two chapters mentioned above. I was reminded, once again, how powerfully she captured important family issues and how it is as relevant to us today as it was well over 100 years ago.

Susan Murray is an assistant professor of behavioral sciences at Andrews University.