When I was nine years old, my dad was in Indonesia preparing for heart surgery. I prayed with him on the phone and we shared our thoughts until there was nothing more to say except, “Good-bye, I love you.” That was the last time I ever talked to my dad. He never woke up from surgery.

“Why God? I trusted You and asked You to take care of my father. How could You allow this?” The more “whys” I asked, the more I fostered resentment toward God. Was I not good enough to receive His favor? Did He really care about me and my dad? I didn’t know where to place the questions or hurts that rapidly turned into anger.

Another significant time in my life occurred when my mom became sick and nothing seemed to fix her problem. She got weaker and more out of breath. Finally, we discovered she had tuberculosis. I was so angry at the doctor's misdiagnosis of the one person on Earth I cared so deeply for and who cared for me.

Mom ended up in the hospital for weeks, and was off work for more than a year. Statements like “I’ll pray for your mom” seemed like nothing more than, “Good luck.” Did anyone really care about my mom and me? I held the anger inside.

At times I felt I could blow up at even the smallest things. I hurt myself and others by deliberately choosing degrading movies and music, cutting others down, and disregarding school rules. I felt my friends didn’t really care about me.

My downward spiral got dangerously low; I contemplated suicide. I wanted to end my hurt and the uncontrolled outbreaks of anger crushing my life. I ached for someone to understand and care enough to show me how to free myself from my hurt and anger instead of judging me. “God, please help me,” I cried.

Almost imperceptibly, God began to change me through situations and people. Faculty members at Indiana Academy (IA) realized my anger and came to me as friends instead of disciplinarians. Through these conversations I realized I was at IA not for what I could get out of it, but for what God wanted—to use me there.

I traveled to Brazil on a mission trip and witnessed contentment among the people, despite their having so little of this world’s “goods.” I wanted to give myself for others and experience the true happiness I saw there.

Returning home, I began to share my experiences as a chapel speaker. When I opened up and shared what happened to my dad, although it was very hard, I experienced encouragement and support from my friends. Now I speak at chapels frequently and try to encourage others to avoid my mistakes and to come to God now—not waiting until something goes wrong.

I’m a social person and enjoy being involved. If I were at public school I would still be outgoing, but I know my involvement would be in things that do not bring peace and true happiness. At IA, I have the privilege of being involved in activities that are in my best interest. IA has been a true encouragement in a positive direction.

Malcolm Niggl is a junior at Indiana Academy. He is a member of the Bloomington (Indiana) Church.