Daddy never had much time to actually talk to us kids. He left most instruction to Momma, who was with us most of the time. He worked a couple of jobs just about every day to make ends meet. Daddy had been a newsboy, race horse groomsman, typesetter, short order cook, iron molder, butler, chef, and landscape gardener. It was sometimes confusing.

I remember filling out job applications, and in those days they asked your father’s occupation. I never knew why. They also asked your race and national origin.

I would try to make up some exotic sounding title for what Daddy did. It is difficult to make cleaning out rich folks’ garages sound exotic. In those days I was sometimes ashamed of the fact that Daddy worked for rich, White folks. Well, I made the mistake of hinting this to my Momma, and did she ever square me away.

In no uncertain terms, Momma explained how I was very fortunate to have a father who worked every day, came home every night, brought her all the money, provided for my every selfish need, and practiced priesthood in our home. If I ever had any doubt about how solid these two were that cured me. They were a real pair and nobody, I mean nobody, including their own children, ever came between them. They were so close that if you tried, you got squashed.

Every summer and during holidays I could earn spending money by working with Daddy doing lawns or odds and ends on his many “private family” jobs. It still amazes me that these jobs were never mandatory. You would expect such a self-made man to be very demanding of his children, especially his sons. He seemed to never want us to work as hard as he did, or experience the hardships he had.

This guy raised six children during The Great Depression and was never once on public welfare—never once stood in a soup line! Many of our friends and even relatives were on public dole, but not Daddy’s family. Too proud. Too resourceful. Too independent. Too Wright. I am still impressed.

One of those early morning trips to work gave Daddy the opportunity to tell me about "the birds and the bees.” We paused at a stoplight. He looked over at me. “Boy, I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you,” he said. I’ll never forget "The Talk." I was about 14 or 15 years old.

It was a little late for "The Talk," but nobody was going to cheat me out of this right of passage. I thought, Here it comes!

He continued, “Never waste any time around a woman you wouldn’t marry. You can ruin a whole lifetime for a few moments of pleasure.” The light turned green. We drove off. I was shocked. That was it! That was it? This is all? No lectures on human plumbing? No hygienic dissertations on venereal disease? No mention of condoms, diaphragms, or teen pregnancy?

I had heard all those things at school, but I expected, at the very least, that a good "talk" from a boy’s father would have included any or all of these monumental, brain numbing, desperately needed “facts of life.” It disappointed me. I was crushed, and yet relieved. Every boy wants to have "The Talk," and every boy dreads "The Talk."

Looking back, I wonder what it must have taken for Daddy to summon up the courage to speak to his baby boy on such important matters. He didn’t get it from his father; he had no point of reference for doing such a thing. Upon checking with my older brothers, I found that Daddy didn’t do any better with them. However, this is significant: all the Wright brothers agree that Daddy was right on target. If we adhered strictly to what he shared with us, we could come out just fine in dealing with the opposite sex.

“Never waste any time...”

Let’s take a closer look at Daddy's "talk." To Daddy, time was money. To waste time was to be less than diligent. To waste time was to squander one of the most precious things God has given. He used to say that time is talent and everybody has that talent. I never saw Daddy waste time in my entire lifetime. He knew how and when to have fun and relax, but he never wasted time.

At first impression, one might think Daddy was advising me to avoid women. But to Daddy, “womenfolk” were special—a valuable gift from God. He was always polite, courteous, respectful, and tender when it came to women. He treated our mother like that—even when she, in her hot-headed, Kentucky way would get under his skin. Even then, his thoughtfulness came through. When things really got tense between the two of them, he would leave the house and walk around the block several times. He always came back. They always made up. And, they never let us kids in on it. It was none of our business.

Well now, it seems Daddy was recommending that we only spend time with quality women. There may be lots of women with whom a young man might want to hang around, but he wouldn’t want to live with them for the rest of his life. Daddy was saying to eliminate them from my social calendar. Why invest time with the wrong influences?

Marriage is for life. A life partner must be of the very best character, wisdom, and spiritual attractiveness you can find. Physical attractiveness always seems to take care of itself. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is a relative and subjective aspect of choosing a partner. Daddy never gave advice on physical attractiveness.

Marriage is not only for life, it is also for survival. Daddy came from a broken home. He wanted each of his children to embrace the same philosophy on marriage that he had adopted so many years before while in the Children’s Home. Get married. Have a family. Save the children. No divorce. No separation—not even for a night.

We didn’t all do as well as Daddy and Momma, but we never lost sight of the principle that God hates divorce—and so did Daddy.

If I had only looked closer. There were the “facts” I so desperately longed for. When passion replaces conscience, you are headed for ruin. The enemy has done an extraordinary job perverting the precious, God-given gift of human sexuality. The attractiveness of sex has been so completely exaggerated as to render it as some uncontrollable, consuming fire.

Sex was God’s idea, designed for our joy and security, and a way we could participate with Him in the procreation of the race. It was never intended to be the end all or be all of personal relationships.

A “few moments” of self-gratification can lead to a lifetime of regret and guilt. Daddy knew this, and he wanted his young son to avoid the pitfalls, the traps, that the enemy has set. He wanted me to hold myself in reserve for the woman I would marry—for the warm relationship that God could bless, and I could enjoy, in the full freedom that God designed for husband and wife.

I find it very interesting that the apostle Paul, a single evangelist and missionary, waxed so eloquently on sexuality between husband and wife. God must have impressed him with the importance and the critical nature of this subject. In I Corinthians 7:1–11, Paul gave some excellent counsel on fidelity and honesty in the marriage bed.

In this passage, he deals with the implied “defrauding” of fake headaches and fake backaches, the despicable use of the perfect gift of sexuality for reward or punishment, and the fact that agreement between a husband and wife in these matters is absolutely essential. He also more strongly implies that a healthy sexual relationship for a godly couple is a deterrent to immoral temptations. Now those are some very good “facts of life.”

I was careful to also give my own sons and daughter the benefit of "The Talk." I had more and better education to draw from than did Daddy. I had more knowledge and experience than Daddy. But, I did not have more wisdom than Daddy. My children are all grown with families of their own now. I only hope that I was able to give them something just half as memorable as what Daddy gave me on that early, chilly morning.

Walter L. Wright is the Lake Union Conference president.