In 1989, there was a terrible earthquake in Armenia that came with the force of 8.9 on the Richter scale. When the earthquake tremors subsided, one father ran quickly through the streets toward his son's school. Arriving at the scene where his son's classroom should have been, all he saw was debris and rubble everywhere. Immediately, he began to pull away the debris that formed a barrier between him and Armen, his son.

Soon others arrived on the scene. "What are you doing?" they queried.

"Don't waste your time."

"No one could possibly have survived in this pile of debris."

But the father, taken aback by their pessimism, responded, "Don't talk to me that way. Help me dig in the rubble."

The father dug for 36 hours without stopping. And finally, after all those hours, he heard a voice. It was his son Armen who answered his calls. "Father, I knew you would come; you had promised that if I ever needed you, you'd be there."

There are still true fathers. And they are present when their children need them. However, not everyone is as fortunate as Armen. For many children and teens, when the earthquakes of life hit, there is no father to lend a helping hand. But there is comfort in the knowledge that God says He is a father to the fatherless (see Psalm 68:5). In Zephaniah 3:17, it is revealed that God is present, He is protective, He is attentive and special, He quiets our fears, and He enjoys being with us. If we take our problems to Him, He can be trusted and depended upon. He is the God of the impossible, and nothing is too difficult for Him.

A Father's Influence Is Different from a Mother's

Parents influence the character development and emotional stability of their children, says Armand Nicholi II of Harvard University. And parents model how children should live and solve problems. However, according to two leading authorities in the area of fatherhood, Henry Biller and Dennis Meredith, father power is different from mother power, and children need both in order to develop properly.

Deep in the heart of every child is the intense desire to be accepted and affirmed by a father. He is such an important part of the family. The father is a leader, a priest, a helper, a friend. In order to have the child's needs met, the father must love them. He must talk to them. He must spend time with them. If we want our children to grow in faith with God and transmit our religious heritage to them, we have to spend more time with these precious little ones whom God has loaned to us.

In his book, Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child, Kyle Pruett of Yale University Child Study Center notes specific outcomes for children when their father is positively engaged in their lives:

More securely attached to important people in their lives

More empathetic towards others

Less impulsive; better self-control

Higher conformity to rules

Intellectual advantages

Have fewer school behavior problems

Less likely to drop out of school

What Kind of Father Are You?

Parents in general, and a father in particular, are modeling for God. Recent studies have concluded that there is a significant correlation between the way a child perceives their father and the way they perceive God. It is important to answer the question, "What kind of father/leader are you?"

A Father Leads—He fills the role of protector, spiritual leader, teacher, and friend. As the primary family executive, the father is expected to supply authority, discipline, and sound judgment.

A Father Meets the Needs of His Children—Beyond supplying physical needs, a father communicates to a child "it is good to be me." Children also need to feel needed and important to the family. As children are trained, they come to realize they are responsible for their destiny. They are architects of their own lives, so they must choose well what they do daily. A child's self-concept is formed by how he or she perceives what the father thinks of them.

A Father Blesses His Children—A father took his 35-year-old son to a beautiful park—just the two of them, father and son. As they canoed on the lake, enjoying nature and its beauty, the son said, "I would like to ask you a favor. Would you give me the paternal blessing?" So in the middle of the canoe, the father placed his hand over his son's head as they bowed their heads in prayer. The father prayed for his son and his new job. He prayed for his children and his wife, and he invoked the Biblical blessing on his firstborn. "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace" (Numbers 6:24–26). As the two opened their eyes, there were tears running down their cheeks. It was one of the great privileges of the father's life.

A Father Disciplines—Children need to be self-disciplined and have boundaries. They learn from experiences in life. Parents who implement the authoritative style of parenting provide high support and high control. Children see the clear standards and expectations set for mature behavior, while parents also consider their children's needs. Children are encouraged to be independent and responsible. Rules are explained in an overall climate of warmth. Children are listened to, and respect is shown for their feelings. They know their parents care for them. Children in authoritative homes develop strong values and learn to stand up for them.

A Father Reconciles and Forgives—Fathers and mothers do their very best, but sometimes they do hurt their children and wound their spirit. Fathers are reconcilers and forgivers. That's what turning the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers is all about (Malachi 4:5, 6). Some never hear the words of forgiveness they long for. Don't wait until it's too late.

A Father Studies the Heavenly Father—A father who seeks to parent like God, the Heavenly Father, will spend time learning His fathering characteristics. He will learn of God's attributes, such as merciful, just, faithful, and eternal. Zephaniah 3:17 presents the father image of an ideal father—it is the portrait of our Father God. "The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

An Invitation

Like the prodigal son, we all wander from our Heavenly Father from time to time. He is waiting to accept us as His son or daughter again. It is not too late to come back home. God will help us be better parents, and direct our children to Him as we turn their hearts toward their heavenly home.

Diane Thurber is the assistant communication director for the Lake Union Conference. This article was adapted from Heart Turning—Family Evangelism, developed by John and Millie Youngberg (myoungberg@comcast.net). Used with permission.