As America prepares to celebrate a historic milestone, 250 years of independence on July 4, 2026, the gospel of Jessus Christ offers a distinct definition of “true freedom” that differs from the secular, individualistic concept of freedom. True freedom in Christianity is not freedom from all responsibility to God and others, to live for myself. That is bondage to my own self-centeredness. Instead, true freedom in Christianity is freedom from my “self,” to live responsibly in love for God and others. As Galatians 5:13 states: “For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence, but through love serve one another.”
Marriage is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom. Each partner is free from the other and therefore free to love the other. Where there is control, or perception of control, there is no love. A story is told about a married couple who attended a marriage seminar. The speaker was teaching on the ramifications of submission in the home (Ephesians 5:22–24, 33), but he was one of those male chauvinists who had it all wrong. (The Bible says we are to first “submit one to another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21).
When the couple left the meeting that night, the husband could tell his wife was really upset. She had not appreciated the message at all, and after sitting through nearly two hours of it, she was fuming. The husband, however, felt validated and affirmed because the speaker’s words reinforced his position on submission. Driving home, he said rather pompously, “Well, what do you think about that?” His wife didn’t say a word. When they arrived home, she got out and followed him silently into the house. Once inside, he slammed the door and said, “Wait right there, just stand right there.” She stood tight-lipped and stared at him. “I’ve been thinking about what that speaker said tonight,” he began, “and I want you to know that from now on that’s just the way it is going to be around here. You got it? That’s the way things are going to be run in this house.” Having said that, he didn’t see his wife again for two weeks. After two weeks he could just start to see a little bit out of one of his eyes.1
Love only exists where there is freedom. Freedom in marriage means having the independence to pursue your own goals without feeling controlled by your partner. It’s about maintaining a sense of individuality while still being committed to building a loving connection with your partner. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Billy Graham spoke about his marriage of 56 years to his wife, Ruth. “What’s the secret to your wonderful marriage?’ asked Oprah. Graham simply answered, “We are happily incompatible.”2 He meant that while he and his wife are different, they have happily reconciled their differences. Billy and Ruth Graham have learned how to overcome their own self-centeredness and consider the other more important. When a man and woman learn how to put aside their own selfishness and give one another top priority, then their marriage can enjoy true freedom.
Abraham Swamidass, DMin, is family ministries coordinator for the Wisconsin Conference.