Sociologist Reuben Hill conducted a study of thousands of teens and parents in Minnesota and found that different parenting styles produced different responses in children. His research identified four main categories: authoritarian, permissive, neglectful, and authoritative.
Authoritarian parents act like dictators in the home. They are high on discipline but low on affection. These parents “give orders and expect immediate obedience—no questions asked.” Communication tends to involve arguing and resistance, especially as children grow older. Eventually, children raised this way often rebel after leaving home. When Paul told the Ephesians not to “exasperate your children,” he was warning against this kind of parenting that can lead children to reject faith altogether. While children of authoritarian parents usually behave well and follow rules, they may struggle with decision-making and develop a fear of punishment.
Permissive parents focus on building close relationships but often lack the structure and discipline children need. A permissive mother might say, “I love my kids so much I can’t bring myself to discipline them.” These parents are emotionally engaged and let their children make their own decisions, such as what to eat or when to go to bed. They also tend to shield their kids from consequences. While these children may have high self-esteem and strong social skills, studies show they are more prone to problem behaviors and may perform poorly in school.
Neglectful parents provide neither love nor discipline. They communicate apathy—what the child hears is, “I don’t care.” These parents range from being emotionally unavailable to outright negligent, sometimes due to their own unresolved trauma, addiction, or chaotic life circumstances. Children in these homes suffer deep emotional wounds. Their hope often lies in encountering Christ, being surrounded by godly role models, and receiving professional counseling.
Authoritative parents are considered the healthiest balance of love and discipline. These parents make expectations clear and explain both rules and consequences. While they listen to their child’s thoughts, the final decision rests with the parent. This style encourages independence and builds confidence, leading to higher self-esteem and academic success.1 Authoritative parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about providing a nurturing environment where children feel loved, heard, and guided.
No parenting style guarantees perfectly well-adjusted children. Every child will face hardship and failure at some point. But if we aim to relate to our children with both strength and compassion—exercising authority without tyranny—we must seek wisdom, insight, and love. Ultimately, our relationship with God will shape the way we parent and the legacy we leave behind.
Abraham Swamidass, DMin, is the Wisconsin family ministries director and pastor of the Janesville district.
